I am..

what I am is what I am, are you what you are or what?

When I was in high school, a friend of mine was looking through my cd's and asked me "Who the heck is Eddie Brickle?" That still makes me giggle.

ok, so here is my "I am" because I am in a creative funk and this will be way easier.

I am... someone's wife! As if.

I want....to stop always looking around the next corner and learn to see what's in front of me before I miss it. Ferris Bueller is a wise man. I also want a washing machine, because the laundromat is getting OLD.

I have... a really really hard time with change. Even good change. I hate it.

I wish... I didn't have such a hard time making big decisions. I wish I knew the answers to the hard questions.

I hate... when people brag about material things. I really don't give a crap.

I fear... that I will regret not having a child with Mr. Phenom.

I hear... rain. I love it.

I wonder... is one of my favorite Blind Melon songs. It's from their first album.

"Hey I'd like to daze away to a place no one has known; in a state of mind I could call mine, that only I could own.. where I could hum a tune anytime I choose, and there's no such thing as time.. where I can feel no pain, just calm and sane.. what a place for one to find.."

I regret... allowing people to make me feel "less than" for so long, for so many reasons, on the path I was meant to travel. I can never regain that time. Though I guess it was important because I have learned so much from it/ through it. So I guess it shouldn't be a regret.

I love... being alone. I'm not sure I have ever felt lonely when being alone. I have felt lonely in the presence of others many times, but when I'm alone, I just feel peaceful.

I ache... 24/7. My shoulder (which has had an injured rotator cuff for the last 7 years) is constantly aching and I have become so used to it, that I don't even know what NOT being in pain feels like anymore.

I always... get soaked when doing the dishes. I think it's because I'm so short and I have to lift my arms UP to wash dishes over the sink instead of down. I get less wet when I stand on a stool to do dishes, but that renders me a lot less mobile, which bugs me.

I usually... have panic attacks if I have to spend the night away from home, in a bed that is not my own.

I am not... keen on colors. Most of my clothes are black, gray or brown. Sometimes when I'm feeling colorful, I'll wear navy blue, which matches my star tattoo. Wearing white at my wedding was a struggle, but I think the effect was well worth it. My husband couldn't take his eyes off me, and isn't that the point?

I sing.. guitar solos. Mr. Phenom is always telling me I should open an air-guitar karaoke bar. The funnest guitar solos to sing are Rage Against the Machine's, but Guns 'n Roses will do in a pinch.

I never... sleep well when I don't get a chance to read at night. I don't sleep well anyway, but if I don't get to read SOMETHING for at least a FEW minutes, I have a hard time sleeping.

I rarely... sleep more than 5 hours a night.

I cry.... all the time. Sometimes with no precipitating factor at all.

I am not always... kind to myself. I'm working on it.

I lose... my patience with people who put hurtful bumper stickers on their cars. It's not cool to be on your way to the store to pick up milk and eggs only to find yourself behind a car whose driver thinks they're being clever by sticking something really mean-spirited and hateful on their bumper with no idea whatsoever how much it is affecting people. (or knowing, but doing it anyway).

I'm confused... fairly often. Mostly when trying to figure out why my children are arguing and exactly what they expect me to do about it.

I miss... Emily Quartermaine. They killed her off on General Hospital some months back and I still haven't accepted it.

I need... not a whole lot. I have embraced living simply and am very much enjoying not having a lot of STUFF around. In terms of happiness, my needs would be my family, music and books.

I should... post this and shut the computer off so that I can bum around on the couch with a book and enjoy my quiet evening alone.

:)