Wonderful.

X-Files was awesome.

Sorta sad. We went to get our tickets in the afternoon, worried that it might sell out on opening night.

We got there 45 minutes early to ensure we got good seats, again because with the thought that it might sell out.

We walked in to an empty theater. By the time the previews started, I counted 14 people, myself and Mr. Phenom included.

Wow.

If school had been in session still, it probably would have been crowded. Lots of geeks in college towns.

Everyone there was older (30's and 40's) so it was nice to be in the company of people who are old enough to have watched the show on tv.

When I heard the X-Files song (or the familiar notes of "doo doo doo doo DOO doo" rather) it was like putting on an old comfy sweatshirt. The X-Files, for me, will always be associated with a feeling of "family."

So I will end this blog with a poem I wrote in college.


Inside My Church in Dixfield, Maine

On Sundays, I wander
to this house of love, that tastes as good
as hot cocoa
with extra marshmallows.
This sacred place is filled
with silver laughter, with
the sounds of water splashing
as the littlest miracle among us,
the perfect angel we’d all been quickly waiting for,
for nine heavy months,
plays with her toys
in the bathtub.
We watch The X-files.
And this is as close to God
as I will ever
get.

I want to believe.

We're going to see the X-Files tonight!

Woooohoooo!

Well, it's finally happened.

My son is mad at me. Believe it or not, in his 9.5+ years on this Earth, he has never really been MAD at me. Well, maybe when he was 3. In a 3-year old kind of way. But in the time since he became a reasonable, logical, well-behaved intelligent kid, he has never been slam-the-door mad.

His friend, who is only a year older than him, doesn't really have a whole lot of parental involvement when it comes to movie ratings, music content, and in this case, video games.

Thing 1 got a video game system for Christmas this year, because he really wanted one, and he's a good kid. The amazing thing is, we don't even have to regulate his game-playing. He'd much rather be outside playing (even in the winter) than sitting in front of the tv. So it hasn't posed any trouble for us. Yet.

His friend has been telling him all about this game called Halo. How fun it is, how awesome it is, how Thing 1 absolutely HAS to play it.

So I researched it. It's rated "M for Mature". I don't think so. Sorry. I will admit, he does have a couple "T for Teen" games, but he has also watched several PG-13 movies, so at least I'm consistently lax. But this game? No way.

So I told him, "sorry, no." He pouted, went upstairs, slammed his door and said "This sucks!"

Which is true. It does suck. Not getting what we want sucks.

The good news is, about 3 minutes later he was back downstairs, himself again, shooting the breeze with me about something he saw in the newspaper.

Phew.

I am becoming somewhat quite obsessed

with baking bread.

It is amazing how much fun a woman can have with yeast, when it is being used for good and not evil.

It started with me thinking "How on earth can a woman who loves bread SO much go almost 31 years without baking bread herself?" The answer was "I have no idea! This must be remedied!"

So I made a loaf of bread. Your garden-variety kind (if bread grew in gardens). Flour, milk, sugar, salt, etc.

It came out PERFECT and it was deee-lish! (who just read that and started singing "groove is in the heart.."?)

After a couple loaves, that got boring. So I branched out.

Cinnamon and sugar was also a bit too ... mediocre. So, I decided to just go for it.

I got out some garlic and some Italian herbs, and I mixed everything together and baked it and .. WOW. I can't believe the bread I've been missing. And to think, I made it with my own two hands, from start to finish.

So now all I can think about is bread.. what kinds I can make, different ingredients.. I even dreamt about it last night.

I have to say, I am pretty much a domestic goddess.

I am..

what I am is what I am, are you what you are or what?

When I was in high school, a friend of mine was looking through my cd's and asked me "Who the heck is Eddie Brickle?" That still makes me giggle.

ok, so here is my "I am" because I am in a creative funk and this will be way easier.

I am... someone's wife! As if.

I want....to stop always looking around the next corner and learn to see what's in front of me before I miss it. Ferris Bueller is a wise man. I also want a washing machine, because the laundromat is getting OLD.

I have... a really really hard time with change. Even good change. I hate it.

I wish... I didn't have such a hard time making big decisions. I wish I knew the answers to the hard questions.

I hate... when people brag about material things. I really don't give a crap.

I fear... that I will regret not having a child with Mr. Phenom.

I hear... rain. I love it.

I wonder... is one of my favorite Blind Melon songs. It's from their first album.

"Hey I'd like to daze away to a place no one has known; in a state of mind I could call mine, that only I could own.. where I could hum a tune anytime I choose, and there's no such thing as time.. where I can feel no pain, just calm and sane.. what a place for one to find.."

I regret... allowing people to make me feel "less than" for so long, for so many reasons, on the path I was meant to travel. I can never regain that time. Though I guess it was important because I have learned so much from it/ through it. So I guess it shouldn't be a regret.

I love... being alone. I'm not sure I have ever felt lonely when being alone. I have felt lonely in the presence of others many times, but when I'm alone, I just feel peaceful.

I ache... 24/7. My shoulder (which has had an injured rotator cuff for the last 7 years) is constantly aching and I have become so used to it, that I don't even know what NOT being in pain feels like anymore.

I always... get soaked when doing the dishes. I think it's because I'm so short and I have to lift my arms UP to wash dishes over the sink instead of down. I get less wet when I stand on a stool to do dishes, but that renders me a lot less mobile, which bugs me.

I usually... have panic attacks if I have to spend the night away from home, in a bed that is not my own.

I am not... keen on colors. Most of my clothes are black, gray or brown. Sometimes when I'm feeling colorful, I'll wear navy blue, which matches my star tattoo. Wearing white at my wedding was a struggle, but I think the effect was well worth it. My husband couldn't take his eyes off me, and isn't that the point?

I sing.. guitar solos. Mr. Phenom is always telling me I should open an air-guitar karaoke bar. The funnest guitar solos to sing are Rage Against the Machine's, but Guns 'n Roses will do in a pinch.

I never... sleep well when I don't get a chance to read at night. I don't sleep well anyway, but if I don't get to read SOMETHING for at least a FEW minutes, I have a hard time sleeping.

I rarely... sleep more than 5 hours a night.

I cry.... all the time. Sometimes with no precipitating factor at all.

I am not always... kind to myself. I'm working on it.

I lose... my patience with people who put hurtful bumper stickers on their cars. It's not cool to be on your way to the store to pick up milk and eggs only to find yourself behind a car whose driver thinks they're being clever by sticking something really mean-spirited and hateful on their bumper with no idea whatsoever how much it is affecting people. (or knowing, but doing it anyway).

I'm confused... fairly often. Mostly when trying to figure out why my children are arguing and exactly what they expect me to do about it.

I miss... Emily Quartermaine. They killed her off on General Hospital some months back and I still haven't accepted it.

I need... not a whole lot. I have embraced living simply and am very much enjoying not having a lot of STUFF around. In terms of happiness, my needs would be my family, music and books.

I should... post this and shut the computer off so that I can bum around on the couch with a book and enjoy my quiet evening alone.

:)